They say that the people you're with at the stroke of midnight on Dec 31 are the people you'll spend the new year with. When the countdown began on Saturday night I looked at the faces around me and couldn't believe my luck; I could have conjured a Patronus there and then. This time last year I didn't even know these people and I never thought they would condescend to be my friends, to laugh with me and worry about me and hang out with me and give me advice.

But then 2005 has been a year of never say never. I never thought I'd be single again; never suspected I'd enjoy it so much. I never dreamed I would be such a bad judge of character. I never liked clubbing and was convinced I never would. I never imagined working life could be this fun and I never guessed that I would become more outgoing and less domestic. I proclaimed loudly that I'd never take up WoW; I would never have believed I could get addicted to a stupid computer game. I never saw myself as an altruistic person. My philosophy in life was to think long-term and never to live for the moment.

Now the word "never" has lost its meaning for me, and not just because I typed it so many times in the preceding paragraph that its physical shape has stopped translating into metaphorical concept. I'm game for anything. (Yes, even rock-climbing - sometime. :P)

When I set up this blog two months ago I was devastated. I could neither eat nor sleep - two of my favorite activities in the world. Now that all seems like a distant dream. I still can't eat (solid foods) and I never get enough sleep, but for completely different reasons. I'm not the type to put all my eggs in one basket (I'm more likely to hide a few away and pretend they don't exist), but I gave everything I had to my relationship and a lot of my life revolved around it, which is why it took me such a long time to get over my breakup and move on with life.

It would've taken even longer if not for the kindness of many people. I don't want to go into names because the list will be unending and I sure accidentally miss out people one. But if in the last two months you called or emailed or msged; if you were there while I was drinking myself blind; if you sat with me as I cried; if you took me out and made me laugh; if you talked me through the dark hours of 5 to 7 in the morning; if you snapped me out of self-flagellation and self-pity; if you helped me find my feet and pick myself up again - thank you. I am deeply and sincerely grateful. Thank you if you're a good friend, and thank you even more if you're an acquaintance or stranger who reached out to someone in need.

The other day I read this article, and it hit me like a very unsubtle sledgehammer that what everyone's been telling me is true - I'm lucky that I found out now just how much I could trust the guy I was dating before things got more serious. A 6-year relationship - that's nothing compared to 40 years of marriage. I have youth and, hopefully when the oral mousetrap comes off, a little beauty. The next time I will choose better.

This blog has served its purpose and a new one will take its place. In the revived interests of anonymity I won't be putting a public link here, but if you want to know where I've gone my email address is on the userinfo page. Do link to my new blog (just not by name), I'm a blogospheric whore.

Have a great year - and make the most of it!

My policy in life used to be simple: no regrets. I never regretted anything I did because I had a reason for everything, no matter how stupid and superficial and regrettable it was.

(I have since amended that after an enlightening conversation with an acquaintance from Princeton (why are all these Princeton people so damn smart?) during which I realised I actually do have some regrets, all of which involved me hurting other people. So my new policy in life is no regrets, as long as I don't hurt anyone.)

This is a complete diversion from what I originally wanted to say, which is that after six hours of enduring alien metal mouth invasion, I almost almost almost regret getting braces. I can't eat anything, I keep feeling like I don't have enough lip to cover my mouth, and I have yet to find a way to smile that doesn't look like I just smelled something bad.

And to answer all the (unintentionally, I'm sure) complimentary questions along the lines of "are you mad? why the hell do you need braces?": my front teeth stick out and my bottom teeth are crooked. I've been wanting to get braces since my sophomore year but I couldn't do it in the US so I'm doing it now. Hell, I have a good half-century to go on this earth (I assume) - what's eight months of pain and starvation?

But if anyone has any tips on how to get used to them, I'm willing to pay.

It always humbles me when people I don't know very well decide to tell me a whopper of a secret. It's probably because I'm not a confiding sort of person myself, but that means I have to store away my own secrets in addition to other people's. Usually that's not really a problem but right now I feel so full of secrets that I have to be on guard all the time in case I kena footinthemouth disease, which has recently afflicted many people and made them feel like they should have taken MC. Haha.

But I've come to realise that when the best laid plans gang agley it's very seldom a bad thing because it opens up opportunities for other events to take place. I don't believe (or at least I try not to) in the omnipresent hand of a supernatural dictator but the idea of something like parallel universes appeals to me. People talk about silver linings when what they're really referring to is simply an alternate set of occurrences unfolding as the result of a change in plans. And the lining is silver because people don't expect, when things don't work out, that there could be better variations to life. A lot of it is fear of the unknown, which they say you need courage to face - but I've found that a combination of healthy curiosity and a sense of adventure works much better.

In any case I'm definitely going to need a sense of adventure when I get my braces tomorrow. I'm not so much worried about vanity; I've never liked taking photos anyway and I don't mind being undateable for the next few months, although almost everyone I know has been expressing disproportionate agitation over my impending undateability. (Because they fear I'll be bored, not because they want to date me.) But what I'm really concerned about is not being able to eat everything I want! An existence founded upon porridge and milo is worse than death.

On an unrelated note, I never thought the day would come when I would say something good about The OC (not that I've ever watched it but it just seems so unsubstantial), but their Merry Chrismukkah album has the best song by the Raveonettes - The Christmas Song. Don't judge the song by its title. It's hauntingly catchy, very Carpenters. Go download illegally or something.

Coming home late last night -


My mum: Hey the Christmas tree lights are on! I thought I'd switched them off!

Me: Uh oh. Must the ghost of Christmas past.

My brother: Why not Christmas present?

Me: There, under the tree - take your pick.


Heehee.


Merry Christmas, everyone.


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Added later:

Go read Iggy Low's column today on the importance of crass commercialism during Christmas. It made me laugh out loud several times and left me with a warm fuzzy feeling inside, because he described exactly what we did this year - admire the twinkly lights on the streets, spend lunch hours shopping for the perfect presents, and call one another to ask opinions on gifts (he: "do you think U would like an S&M riding whip? it's real leather!" me: "no! you already know she has dominatrix issues, why make things worse?" he: "but it's real leather!"). I have two bags full of painstakingly wrapped gifts for tonight's party, each of which I handpicked based on the individual recipient. I can't wait to see their faces.

And he put that Last Christmas thing in on purpose! After I waxed passionate last week about how I'm so sick of hearing Last Christmas every December beacuse it's no more a Christmas song than Michael Jackson's Thriller. Just because it has the word "Christmas" in it doesn't make it Noelic. (Yes I made up that word, what's the problem?) But he argued that All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth isn't about Christmas either (with which I grudgingly agreed) and of course he managed to turn it around such that Last Christmas now bleeds with nostalgia and seems a justified Christmas classic. One day I will be as good a writer. I hope.

But not as high as me! Nothing is really quite as exhilarating as last-minute lunchtime Christmas shopping in the days leading up to the big X-day (you know, when I was a Catholic I got scolded for using "Xmas" instead of "Christmas" because I was "crossing out the Christ").

Two very productive hours at crazy-jampacked-Taka yielded seven and a half presents. And I'm still not done; I haven't even bought the really major ones yet in the misguided hope that the longer I put them off the more likely it is that money will mysteriously appear in my bank account. I'm deluded that way.

I really love making a big production out of festivals. For the last couple of years I haven't managed to celebrate Christmas or my birthday as extravagantly as I would've liked, so this year I'll take any excuse to dress up and make merry. (What exactly does "make merry" mean? What a euphemistic-sounding term.)

Four days! Still have to order party food, buy lots of wine, get more presents, and wrap everything. And in the meantime there are people to meet, stories to write, and aggros to kill...

You know it's going to be a bad day when you get a 9.30am call.

I suppose it's a compliment, in a way, but I feel like I didn't live up to it this time.

Very few things really annoy me nowadays but people's egos and their apparent inability to realise that I CANNOT BLOODY SPARE THE TIME ON USELESS STUFF WHEN I'M RUSHING OTHER THINGS never fail to raise my blood pressure.

And it's not even over yet.

* * * * * *

On the bright side, thanks for calling. See how fun conversations can be when you have a good day? :)

Turns out there's a price to pay for hedonism after all (damnit). On the plus side this is the most sleep I've had in weeks.

The many people to whom I owe emails: tomorrow morning, I promise.

The Crystal Jade Express place at Wisma is, to use K's favorite word, gross. Or maybe it's just that I've become - to use my new favorite word - atas. (I just learned that! Have been repeating it the whole week to everyone's annoyance.) The portions are minuscule, the prices are unreasonable, and the food is laughable. They have this dish called "soup macaroni with luncheon meat". Man, they should be paying me to eat that shit! (Hmm talking too much to Americans lately). I mean, come on! I used to cook better food with random stuff I found in the cupboards when it was snowing too hard to go out for actual groceries. We're talking instant noodles, canned apricots, soya sauce and leftover parsley (why do they always make you buy parsley in bunches of 50 servings??). I should be a chef.

* * * * * *

Tangs has a huge sign on its shopfront that says: Even wise men seek Jesus. That explains everything, cos I'm neither.

* * * * * *

Be strong, Y - I'm praying for you. Although I haven't prayed in a long while, so might be a bit rusty. :) Don't ever lose hope.

First time the whole week I managed to get 8 hours of sleep (almost in a row except for a few calls)! Am a happy nappy. Actually I guess it would be more accurate to say I had a happy nappy, but whatever.

Ministry of Sound is pretty fucking fantastic. Not sure how long it will survive, but it was awesome to see all those people there. Everybody who was anybody and a lot of people who were quite nobodys turned up and man, there's nothing in the world like walking past a ridiculously long queue full of "invited" wannabes and breezing past the door bitch who has to let you in no matter how you're dressed (I went straight from work) just because your name's on the guest list.

The club is HUGE. It has an ESCALATOR. And one hour of free drinks, so naturally we helped ourselves in the Singaporean way by ordering five rounds at one go. Coming on top of the previous night's beer binge, it probably wasn't such a good idea to mix champagne, beer, long island iced tea, and vodka orange. Although I think my liver's almost back to what it was in freshman year. Must be self-repairing. In any case I'm actually less hungover today than I was yesterday morning (which was a bad thing because I had an early assignment yesterday). But, I reiterate, now I am a happy nappy.

MoS also has a lot of good-looking guys and very few cute girls, for some reason. Or maybe it was just beer goggles.

Supposed to have drinks again tonight but I really don't think I can tahan... and I haven't WoWed for three days! Sorry guys. And thanks for the MoS invite - you know who you are - but invite means must stand in line you know. I'm too stuck-up for that now, haha. :) Just kidding, let me know if you're really going and when.

This week's Quest Log:

1. Send corporate Christmas cards [Complete]

Cards posted: 20/20

The ancient festival of Noel is upon us once more. Post 20 garish red-and-green cards to people you don't really care about.

XP: 675

2. Get as little sleep as possible [Complete]

In these dire times, I fear our town cannot afford to rest. We must be on guard at all times in case of an attack by the Horde. Take this empty vial and fill it at the coffee moonwell located on the outskirts of Toa Payoh. Drink the contents several times a day.

XP: 800

3. Help brother with application essays [Failed]

Some of our people must travel to faraway lands to train with journeymen there. Obtain four parchments by slaying Gobbledygooks.

4. Become Lifebrandz's biggest fan [Complete]

Visit Balcony Bar twice, once to play drinking games and once for drunken gameplay. Then journey to Ministry of Sound to deliver an interview message. Quest timer expires on Friday night.

XP: 2000

5. Buy Christmas presents

Presents bought: 6/23

Spend as much gold as you can.


As H said wonderingly the other day: "I never realised how much of a life I had until I started trying to include WoW into it."

I guess everyone's probably noticed by now that this page has no more angst. But I still post (for security reasons) locked entries once in a while, usually about work. So people who haven't added me as friends, do! Don't worry about privacy and stuff, as long as you're not from my office I'll add you back. And locked entries are more fun cos that's where I really get to bitch, haha.